Lies spoken and promises broken...

It is those who promise never to leave our side that are the first to run out the door when their mood gets slightly disturbed. It doesn't matter how long you have been there for them or how much you have been through for them, the instant something happens with you or they hurt you and you need some distance for a while, they forget you exist.Then, they say they care about you and think about you, but all that does is confuse you. You wonder if it's really true, and if it is, what does it mean? If it isn't, you feel stupid for believing they loved you and cared about you. It all screws with you head and your heart, and it's confusing and hurts. Of course, you don't know how to "deal" with it because there really isn't a good way or any way to "deal" with it. You just writhe in pain, confusion, and the feeling that you are worthless and stupid with the thought that one day you might not feel so completely horrible that you can barely even get out of bed in the morning. You try to find comfort in the fact that none of it is your fault, but it doesn't actually help. You try to move on an find someone new, yet every time you try, you find yourself only thinking of the person who damaged you. You try to just be mad at them for everything they did, but all you can feel is pain and being perturbed. All the rage that everyone, including yourself, thinks you should have, you don't. You wish you were mad; you want to be mad. However, that mind numbing rage you think you should have, simply isn't there. It is just sheer agony. You can't sleep. You can't concentrate. You can't even function.You brain is in hyper-drive  yet it is shut down all at the same time.